Sunday, November 9, 2014
Post 13 - Letting Go
My daughter went to her first boy/girl middle school dance on Friday night so I'm facing the reality of having to learn to let go in my role as a parent. It's much more difficult than I thought it would be! Being a daughter myself, I always said that I would never treat my boy and girl children different. As a teenager, I hated the double standard that my parents implemented in our house and I didn't want my future daughter/s to live with the same double standard when I was the parent. I see now that it is a hard position to take. I can empathize with my parents feeling that I should be protected from the harshness of the world while they assumed that my brothers weren't in need of the same protection. We raise our boys to be tougher and they're naturally less emotional (or at least they seem able to deal with negative emotions easier than girls). I know the hurt that becoming a woman can invite and I want to guard my daughter from the type of emotional pain that can come from being a female in our society. Society itself has a double standard and my job as a parent is to teach my children to function within this society. That fact of life causes parents to incorporate this same double standard in our homes, if just to teach our daughters that it exists. I'm fighting the urge I have to hold on a little tighter to my daughter than I have my teenage son, but it's a challenge that goes against my instincts as a mother. Letting go is hard to do....
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That is true being a daughter let a alone a female is hard because parents is always hard on them. When I was in my teens I remembered I could not go out with my friends much until I graduated high school. And when I turned 21 I was wow crazy which is not good luckily, I had cousins who gave me good advices. Because sometimes parents who hold on to their daughters so tight. When their parents are not around they can get very wild and crazy when they have freedom.
ReplyDeleteI grew up in a home with too much freedom. I came and went as I pleased wildly though I always wanted my mom to be more protective, to care a little more. It's a hard line we walk as mothers and I find myself in the same position. It is hard to let go and give them their small bits of freedom. Indeed we need to teach our kids how to function within this society, however, we also need to be the change for our daughters as well as teach our sons how to be good men. If we keep conforming to society rules we will continue the double standard cycle. Boys get into as much trouble as girls do...it makes no difference.
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